Review: A night of Burlesque & Cabaret at The Bridge

For one night only SUSU’s very own Bridge bar was transformed into the prime location for a night of debauchery. Led by the beautiful Elsie Diamond, a night of burlesque, comedy and cabaret succeeded in marking a turning point in the SUSU calendar. Filled to the hilt, and brimming with expectation that it seemed unlikely that the night would meet, it seems we were all wrong. Vastly entertaining, this different form of art took every expectation and exceeded them all.

The night began with a sultry seduction by the dazzling Lena Mae in a visual delight of red sequins. Twisting and gyrating her body in seemingly simple moves proved wholly effective, and the appreciative crowd certainly demonstrated their approval. It was clear Lena takes her inspiration from the Golden Age of Hollywood. We were later treated to a demonstration of how feathers can be used; it turns out they’re quite sexy! Miss Beulah Bell was also a firm favourite, taking on a darker tone to that of Lena Mae, using slower motions to slowly present her version of burlesque. Lena and Beulah certainly showed how this is more than simple dancing with music and lingerie: they made it an art-form through their grace – it seemed effortless.

Next we were accosted by the wondrously funny Glory Pearl as Mrs DryVag. Streaming through The Bridge decked out as a typical middle-class abstinence-promoting woman, accompanied even by the pink power suit, this well-spoken persona educated us on the role of the young bride and her task to slowly cut down on sexual contact with her husband, attempting to achieve the ultimate goal – complete abstinence in marriage. However, it seemed that it was Mrs DryVag’s monthly night and we were treated to a begrudging strip tease where, after finishing, she promptly ran off waving a dildo. We were later treated to another of her personas as an old showgirl who had taken back to the stage. When I say old, I mean old; though, of course, thankfully the comically large sagging pillows were removed to reveal our bright star that was Glory Pearl.

Next we were greeted by the shockingly handsome bearded face of Peter Antoniou, who knew just what we were thinking and made us all ask: is our mind safe? Peter took us through a range of wonderful tasks through proving he could identify who out of a random three had written each selected adjective about him and how he could successfully get a girl’s phone number, all through psychic prowess. Combine this with a constant comic wit, ability to banter with the best of them and the skill to guess random unseen items, including a carrot while wearing duct tape, and Peter guarantees himself a very long career.

However, constant of the night was the mischievous Elsie Diamond who throughout entertained us, made us laugh and of course compared Southampton to Scunthorpe. By the end she had dazzled us so much with her voice we simply could not get enough, belting out classics effortlessly such as ‘Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend’, ‘The Masochistic Tango’, ‘The Lady is a Tramp’ and ‘S&M’ while straddling a member of the audience. She ended the evening with the same effortless class as she had led it throughout the evening; she took us off to war. Donning an old army costume and ukulele she sung and then finally as with all the rest, took on her rendition of the art-form that is ballet. Eventually though, as all things should end, Elsie did so patriotically, with the Union Jack firmly on her breasts and panties.

Unfortunately the event at SUSU was one night only, but for further information on where you catch her events, visit Elsie Diamond’s website here.